While I'm shoveling out blame, I'll blame this post on Chris.
Enjoy.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”. Jesus wore it proudly from then on, and wears it still. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, eats hammers and could take a shotgun blast standing.
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
Helen Keller’s favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima instead of sending in Chuck Norris. The atomic bomb was considered more "humane."
Chuck Norris doesn't have normal white blood cells like you and I. His have a small black ring around them. This signifies that they are black belts in every form of martial arts and they roundhouse kick the $#!+ out of viruses. That's why Chuck Norris never gets ill.
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris?
All of it.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris gave a horse an uppercut.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take crap from anyone.
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Before Chuck Norris was born, the martial arts weapons with two pieces of wood connected by a chain were called NunBarrys. No one ever did find out what happened to Barry.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
1 comment:
I think I read that CN can make a woman climax by pointing at her and saying 'booya'...but that's just what I read somewhere.
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